The Astrology Test.

I’m an open-minded person, intellectually. If we want to speak in metaphors, I only like shoes if it means I can borrow them from other people. I’m curious, methodical, teachable. Tell me something, I’ll listen with my whole body and store it away in order to do my own research. I feel like I’m pretty smart, and in general I’m proud of those personality traits. At the same time, I feel like I’m going BAT SHIT CRAZY.

It’s because I’m a Virgo, right?

We’ll get to that.

A few months ago I thought about starting a blog called “No Flack, No.” The impetus for this was the 45 minutes I spent on the corner of Lincoln and Fullerton running back and forth between the bus stop and the train station trying to strategize the best way to get home, frantically checking the CTA app on my phone, missing one bus right after the other. The whole while keeping my eye out for a dime since I happened to be ten cents short for either ride in the first place. Once I realized I could use my credit card to buy a ticket I was home in 15 minutes, beating myself up the entire way. I thought maybe if I started writing about all the dumb, semi hilarious situations I get myself into, I could make people laugh and then I would feel better about all these miscalculated¬†decisions. What can I say, I’m fueled by negative energy, as innocent as it seems.

Like most people, I spend a lot of time trying to answer questions like, “Who am I?” and “What’s my Life’s Purpose?” Questions that, when spoken aloud, would be cloaked by sarcasm’s secondhand camouflage if they weren’t such a universal inquiry. Yesterday I learned that if the right person tells me that I’m “destiny’s child” because I was born exactly at 12:00 noon,* I will definitely take the time to hear my prophecy (via, naturally).

Did I learn nothing from Oedipus that semester I took Playscript Analysis? Is believing in astrology analogous to joining a sorority to make friends? Scoff all you want** but it actually made me feel good. As if there were reasons for things, even if the evidence was literally only written in the stars. So I was thinking about looking into it. But in the words of the great and powerful Shakespeare, “Be great in act as you have been in thought.” Which means that I’ll allow myself to consider Astrology if I do something a bit more active than Google it, think about what I Googled, and then spend time analyzing why I thought tuna fish and quinoa¬†would make a good combination considering my delicate stomach requires caution in regards to eating exotic cuisine.

This is the product of that. There’s a lot of stuff going on in this head of mine, and I feel like this might be a good way out. Astrology-online suggests to “try expressing the positive traits of your finely tuned analytical reasoning.” So here we are.


*My birth certificate says 12:01. “The doctor’s fault,” claims my father, “he wasn’t looking at the clock at the right time.”
**Especially YOU, Mr. Opinion. You know who you are.