I have nothing to write about.
Well, that’s not true. I think what’s happened is that I’ve successfully turned my brain off for the first time in my life and I’m scared to reignite anything for fear of getting lost in the fire. The proof of this is that there’s an excellent metaphor in that sentence about firefighters in my head but I can’t… write it out.
I’ll tell you about a kid in a camouflaged sweat suit at the Hendersonville Public Library who said, “Dingleberry” when I called on him during a Q&A after a show last week. I said, “I’m sorry. Did you say… dingleberry?” He burst into a fit of laughter and I really can’t tell if he was tricking me or if there was some sort of chemical in the camo sweat suit that had leaked into his bloodstream. At least I can check “say ‘dingleberry’ in a room full of small children and senior citizens” off my bucket list now.
Last week, Joshua and I were taken to lunch in a high school cafeteria, and it was nothing short of terrifying. I’ve never been a new student anywhere. I don’t recall walking into the lunchroom and having nowhere to go. And even if I did, my school was big enough that I didn’t feel the need to hide in my spaghetti when every head in the room turned to stare. Clearly, we made it out alive. But the spaghetti came with us, unfortunately. And not in a good way. Anybody else miss high school?
I’ve stumbled upon a few seemingly universal truths. Here are the important ones:
-Elementary school principals are the BEST principals.
-Middle school principals are the WORST principals.
-No matter what part of the country you’re in, Wal-Mart (and all of its patrons) is exactly the same as the one in your hometown.
-Elementary school children are the very essence of beauty, truth, freedom and love. Middle schoolers are the scariest humans ever. Thus explaining the Principal non-phenomenon.
-When in doubt, go with Beyonce. This includes ad libbing in a show about George Washington Carver.
C’est tout. Tomorrow we are performing at the South Carolina Department of Justice. Perhaps I’ll have something insightful to say about the power of theatre to change the world, or I can share some cute and funny things that teenagers in detention centers say after a show about Martin Luther King Jr.
PS: Shoot I forgot what I was going to say.
PPS: I’m bummed out about that. I think it was going to be really funny and clever.