$78

Today I put my frog suit on, jumped from one job application to another, and caught no flies.

Unless flies are just a metaphor for frustration and despair. In that case, I’m full.

Days like these always start by checking my bank account and realizing that I missed the Chewy.com shipping reminder and have just spent $90 on cat food I didn’t need.

Last week I decided that I very seriously need to crack down on my finances. Set up an IRA, check my balances every single day, get back on the student loan train, not spend money on tacos and Frose, yadda yadda.

Since the key to having more money is making more money, I got up at 6:30 last Monday morning and applied for bar jobs, tour guide positions and temp work. By Friday, I got through the rounds with a tour guide company which now seems to have blossomed into nothing, decided that my schedule doesn’t really allow me to bartend right now after all, and nearly cried in a temp agency when they told me “12-13 dollars per hour.”

I also decided that setting up an IRA was too confusing, and I told myself that I had enough in my account for now and I’d be fine and didn’t need to check everyday.

I’m not irresponsible. I’m very organized, highly neurotic and concerned for my future. However, when you don’t have money, checking your bank account is like being tied to a chair and forced to watch a horror movie. I guess you have no other choice but to watch.

So I can say I logged into my bank account this afternoon and immediately yelled “run, idiot, run, he’s gonna stab you.”

AKA: $78

 

Thus triggering my money panic routine which goes like this:

  1. I will get a job in an ad agency or something.
  2. I look through copywriting jobs and think about what my life would be like if I made at least $30,000 / year.
  3. I tell myself I have no experience and/or marketable skills and decide to move on.
  4. What about social media?
  5. I tell myself that I have no followers on Twitter or Instagram and therefore nothing to prove and also I hate social media.
  6. Ah, administrative work! I start with colleges and universities.
  7. I imagine what the job would be like. The beloved children’s book character Amelia Bedelia races into my mind and I imagine myself accidentally breaking machines, fucking up travel itineraries, crying and watching Excel how-to videos on lynda.com, and getting a firm talking to in an office while sweating through an ill-fitting pencil skirt and a thong. For some reason.
  8. I decide I am too scared to work as an administrative assistant.
  9. I curse myself for spending 10 years of my life pursuing acting.
  10. Oh wait, I am an actor with 6+ years of teaching adults with developmental disabilities, at-risk and homeless women and hundreds of kids ages 3-15. I go to Playbill.com.
  11. I find the perfect job and then realize I have to write a cover letter.
  12. Quick! I see if any of the previous cover letters I have written will suffice.
  13. Nope.
  14. I tell myself that most places prefer you to have an MFA, which I think is a waste of time, and that I’m not diverse enough and therefore don’t deserve to teach our youth.
  15. This is a good transition into brand ambassador work.
  16. I go to Craigslist and consider applying for the job with the headline “No nudity required, promise!” for about the 600th time.
  17. I tell myself that I am worthless and stupid and I probably won’t be able to connect to the monologue I am doing in class tomorrow even though I have a high emotional IQ and that is about all I have, which makes me an extraordinarily overdramatic person who has a hard time falling asleep at night.
  18. The dog outside begins to bark so I spent time cruising around for new music on Spotify and I hate everything and wonder what is wrong with our youth, why do they listen to this absolute crap?
  19. I remember that writing makes me happy and sometimes posting a self-deprecating blog post perks me up.
  20. I scold myself for not writing more blog posts.
  21. I realize I could have spent all that time looking for auditions.
  22. I think about emailing my mangers to tell them I’m done acting. But then I realize I have no back-up plan.
  23. Here we are.

Dudes, I could have spent the whole day playing around with setting my sock fuzz on fire instead of all this crap and it would have been way more productive.

And in an ironic twist, I have to stop typing so I won’t be late for work.

I’m babysitting tonight, which means I’ll get to hang out with a child who could probably afford to pay off my student loans- but at least I will get to shut my brain off and use my imagination for a few hours, which is something that I am, in fact, pretty good at.

But first, I have to feed the cats and replace the litter in the box with real paper money.

I’m No Fun

The number one problem in my life right now, I shit thee not, is that I am not having enough fun.

Here is proof:

  1. I can’t stop cleaning my apartment: there’s always something to clean
  2. I keep a food journal
  3. I keep a journal for lists
  4. Today when I walked into a tree I yelled at the tree
  5. When someone tells a joke I cannot hear it and I continue with my serious thoughts
  6. I am actively trying to have more fun
  7. I am writing a blog post about having fun
  8. I only read cookbooks now
  9. I keep listening to the soundtrack from the movie “The Hours” over and over
  10. Everyone keeps telling me to have more fun

Normally this wouldn’t matter, but I am an actor and yeah, much of the time, having fun is part of my job.

I started this blog way back in 2012 as a way of taking care of my depression. It was an outlet. In the nearly 5 years I’ve been maintaining it, it has gone through many phases. Tracking moods, documenting experiences, telling silly stories, writing reviews, and most recently: Updates on my acting career, which has proved to be the most boring thing I’ve written about… what??

My acting teacher, Anthony Abeson, has been trying to infuse us with more fun. “Wild Theatricality,” he calls it, because somehow, it’s been lost.

“Are we nuts? Broke AND not having fun?” He recently Tweeted.

I, like many actors, am worried about doing things “right.” Which is, you guessed it, NO FUN.

However, this isn’t my actor website. This is my personal blog. So it doesn’t have to be organized or professional or have a fucking logo or anything. It just has to be a place where I can dump my brain out for a bit and sort things through.

And sometimes I just find the craziest things in there!!

full of joy and happiness

When I moved to New York City, I Instagrammed a screen capture of a note my sister left on my phone. It says:

“Dear Tory, I hope you have a wonderful life in New York full of joy and happiness. I believe you will be famous one day and maybe even cast in a television show. When you are, I hope you don’t forget about your little sister stuck in Iowa. Love, Keely.”

My caption is as follows:

“I just found this sweet note on my phone from my #sister. I neglected to tell Keely that the dream is really just to do enough industrials to pay off my student loans.”

This was June 18, 2013. (Before she had Instagram).

A few things:

First of all, and most importantly, I have got to up my caption game you guys. It’s the same reason I’m bad at Twitter.

The bar is now so much higher than doing industrials it isn’t even funny that I wrote that. In fact, I did do a tv show! 2 of them! Confidence is key.

Also, my sister is no longer stuck in Iowa. SHE LIVES IN MAUI. MAUI IS IN HAWAII. The other day I saw that she is actually in vacation on A DIFFERENT ISLAND IN HAWAII. Sometimes I pretend I am on vacation when I am in Williamsburg, because you can get close to water. Williamsburg < Hawaii.

I am so grateful for my support system. You can be a dentist, or a school counselor, or a police officer, or a guy who writes fortunes for cookies, but no matter what: your support system gets you through it all. And I am very #lucky #blessed #fortunatecookie.

By the way my sister is a nurse, which is not an easy career, Maui or no. Whenever I want to whine and say “this is harrrrrrrrd,” I think about how Keely is a tough bitch* and a life saver. Even if she’s just sneaking a darling little note into someone’s phone.

*This is a title she gave herself when we asked why she didn’t want to get gassed up before getting her wisdom teeth pulled. So, yeah confidence is key.

 

I'm blonde now

I’m blonde now, and it’s true I’ve been having more fun. I did it for a show! More on that in a few paragraphs. Hold on! God, you’re so impatient sometimes.

Yesterday I was on the phone with my mom and I think she was trying to understand what I DO all day. “So if you’re not at an audition or an actual job… what are you doing with your time?”

I didn’t quite know how to answer her except to say, “I work on a lot of stuff for my class… uh, and I spend a lot of time at the gym.” While those things are true, I realize now that a more specific answer is: I am literally making up memories that belong to the characters I’m working on. Sometimes I sit and meditate on them. Sometimes I write their biography, or even the biography of their parents. Sometimes I go up to my roof and I walk like them, and try to vocalize like them.

So, I spend a lot of my day bringing my imagination to life, and dissecting someone that doesn’t yet exist. And last week I FINALLY got to put it to good use on set. It was incredible.

I got cast in an episode of “A Crime to Remember,” which is an AMAZING reenactment show on IDTV. The episode was set in the late 50s / early 60s, and the sets, costumes, props, colors, etc are incredible. It’s really catchy show, and I had an absolute blast working with the producers and crew.

It’s not just a simple reenactment show, though. I had actually scenes and dialogue to memorize and actual thoughts in my actual head. Also, I was a serial killer. A blonde one! Yas queen! All of that time I spent making up a life for my character really paid off.

Does this all make sense? Basically, I get to live in a book. YES.

 

updates

I have just been drowning in updates you guys, so I have to write about them all to save myself.

It’s been a great 2016 so far! Recent projects include:

-“I Love You… But I Lied”(which we’ve already talked about c’mon people keep up)

-A sketch show at the Annoyance

-Lots of modeling, check out my most recent portfolio. 

-Tons of classes and workshops, including an amazing weekend with Clown Extraordinaire Christopher Bayes from the Funny School of Good Acting!!

-A trip to Europe (not work related, but I did a ton of people watching)

And THIS AWESOME SCHICK COMMERCIAL

Current projects include:

-I wrote a bizarre af script for the 72 Hour Film Festival and editing it is a nightmare, baby. Screening is May 2!

-After a bit of a hiatus, we are back in rehearsals for the Magdalene Sisters. An original musical schedule to grace the Annoyance Theatre stage in June.

Coming Up:

-Filming a sci-fi/fantasy webseries and it is going to be awesome my character is so bad ass and full of magic.

 

 

 

 

 

Tory Flack and the Case of The Lazy Blogger

God! I feel like I have to start out every post with an apology! But you’re not my boss.

So, I’m sorry Tory, that you continuously let yourself down by not making yourself known on the Internet every 32 seconds. BRB checking my Facebook.

34 likes, phew.

I am listening to a comedy podcast right now, which is why this blog post is so funny.

So what do you want to know about? I wrapped on that Schick commercial last month, and now am just waiting for it to pop up online so I can watch it over and over again and re-live the magic. Oh! A couple weeks ago the episode I filmed of “I Love You… But I Lied” aired. I haven’t watched it yet, I’m nervous. But you can watch it right here.

Unless you don’t have a cable provider to log you in. I’m sorry, it’s not me, it’s you.

This weekend I am taking a clown workshop with Christopher Bayes! The one and only. And later this month I will begin filming a fantasy/sci-fi webseries. My character is a badass, there is a magic(k) fight! So I can’t wait to get started on that.

Meanwhile, I have been modeling for people and doing sketch and improv at the Annoyance. Lastly, I am writing a detective novel. There are 3 clues in this blog!

Stay tuned.

-Sunglasses.

 

 

 

New Comedic Reel

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Today is a great day for jokes. Unfortunately, I don’t have any. But I DO have a Valentine, so today I choose love.

Speaking of, here’s my new comedic reel!:

Thank god my Valentine was here to remind me how to embed links, otherwise it would have been the worst day ever.

I wish you all the best, and if you are all alone today I hope you find a percocet and laugh/cry it out til you feel better.

Love,

tory